What Is Prayer and How to Talk to God?

Prayer. For some, it’s a boring ritual from childhood. For others, a mysterious practice reserved for monks and saints. And for still others, a desperate cry in times of crisis.

But what is prayer really? And how do you talk to a God who seems so distant and invisible?

I remember struggling with prayer for years myself. I recited memorized formulas that meant nothing to me. I prayed “just in case” - because that’s what you’re supposed to do. But I didn’t feel like anyone was listening.

Everything changed when I understood what prayer really is. And I want to share that with you.

What Is Prayer, Really?

Let’s start with what prayer is not.

Prayer is not reciting magic formulas. It’s not repeating the same words over and over, as if their quantity would convince God. It’s not a religious obligation to “check off” your list.

Prayer is simply a conversation with God. Just like you talk to a friend, a parent, someone close to you. Except that someone is the Creator of the universe - who also wants to be your Father.

Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.

— Jer 33:3 (BT)

God is not a distant ruler who has no time for ordinary people. He invites conversation. He wants to listen to you. He promises to answer.

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.

— Ps 145:18 (BT)

Do you see? The Lord is near. Not far away, not inaccessible - near. There’s one condition: sincerity.

Does God Really Listen to My Prayers?

This is probably a question everyone who has ever tried to pray asks themselves. Do these words reach anywhere? Is anyone even listening?

The Bible answers unequivocally: yes.

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.

— Matt 7:7-8 (BT)

Jesus doesn’t say “maybe you’ll receive” or “some will have doors opened.” He says: everyone. Everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. These are concrete promises.

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

— 1 John 5:14-15 (BT)

And one more thing - prayer has real power:

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

— James 5:16 (BT)

Great power. Not small, not symbolic - great. Prayer changes things. Prayer works.

How Jesus Taught Us to Pray

If prayer is a conversation with God, how do we conduct it? Are there any rules? Can you pray “wrong”?

The disciples asked Jesus exactly this question. And He gave them a concrete answer - a model prayer that we know as the “Lord’s Prayer.”

But before He gave this model, He said something very important:

And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

— Matt 6:5-8 (BT)

Several important lessons from this passage:

Prayer is not a public performance - it’s not about others seeing how pious you are
Prayer is an intimate conversation - “go into your room, shut the door”
It’s not about the number of words - God is not impressed by your eloquence
God already knows what you need - but He still wants you to come to Him

And now the model itself:

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

— Matt 6:9-13 (BT)

This is not a formula to repeat mindlessly. It’s a structure that shows what prayer should look like:

We start with relationship - “Our Father” - God is not a distant tyrant, He’s a Father
We give honor - “hallowed be your name” - we acknowledge who He is
We submit to His will - “your will be done” - not mine, but Yours
We ask for daily needs - “give us this day our daily bread” - God cares about practical matters
We ask for forgiveness - and we forgive others ourselves
We ask for protection - from temptation and evil
We end with worship - “For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory” - everything returns to God

You can pray in your own words, following this structure. You can also use the Lord’s Prayer itself - but consciously, understanding every word.

When and Where to Pray?

Many people think prayer requires a special place and time. Church, kneeler, silence, candles…

The Bible says something completely different:

Pray without ceasing.

— 1 Thess 5:17 (BT)

Without ceasing. Not once a day. Not on Sunday. Without ceasing.

How is this possible? It’s about living in constant awareness of God’s presence. Talking to Him in your thoughts throughout the day. Thanking Him for small things. Asking for help in difficult situations. Praising Him when you see the beauty of the world.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

— Phil 4:6-7 (BT)

“In everything” - not just in major crises. Work, relationships, decisions, fears - you can bring everything to God. And the result? Peace that surpasses all understanding.

Location doesn’t matter. You can pray in your car in traffic. In the shower. On a walk. At work between meetings. God is not limited to church buildings.

What If I Don’t Know What to Say?

Sometimes you stand before God and… nothing. Emptiness. You don’t know what to say. You feel foolish. Words don’t come.

Good news: that’s normal. And God knows it.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

— Rom 8:26 (BT)

The Holy Spirit - the third person of the Trinity, who dwells in every believer - helps you pray. Even when you have no words. Even when all you can do is sigh.

God doesn’t expect poetic eloquence from you. He’s looking for a sincere heart.

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

— Heb 4:16 (BT)

The throne of grace - not the throne of judgment. You can come just as you are. With your mess, doubts, weaknesses. God doesn’t expect you to be perfect to talk with you.

What If God Doesn’t Answer?

This is probably the hardest question about prayer. You pray, you ask, you plead - and nothing happens. Silence. Is God even listening?

I have to be honest with you: God always answers, but not always the way we’d like.

There are three possible answers to prayer:

Yes - you get what you asked for
No - God knows it’s not good for you
Wait - the time is not right yet

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

— Isa 55:8-9 (BT)

God sees more than we do. He sees consequences we don’t see. He sees a future we don’t know. Sometimes His “no” is a greater blessing than “yes.”

Moreover, God sometimes allows temporary hardship because He has a greater good in store. He doesn’t fulfill our prayers immediately because He knows that something better will come from the difficulty than if He relieved us right away.

I have a personal example of this. When I got COVID just before Christmas, I prayed for a quick recovery. God didn’t answer “yes” immediately. But it was during this illness, lying in bed with a fever, that I had time for deep reflection. I read Scripture, contemplated matters of faith - and by the end of the illness, I created this website you’re reading right now. If God had healed me immediately, Immanuel probably would never have been created.

For more on why God allows suffering and how good can come from it, read my article Why Does God Allow Pain, Suffering, and Death?.

Paul’s Thorn in the Flesh

The apostle Paul asked God three times to remove some problem - a “thorn in the flesh.” The answer was surprising:

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

— 2 Cor 12:8-9 (BT)

God didn’t remove the problem. But He gave something better - His grace and power that is revealed precisely in weakness.

When prayer seems unanswered, don’t give up. Trust that God is working - even when you don’t see it.

Prayer in Community

Until now, I’ve mainly talked about personal prayer. But the Bible also emphasizes the tremendous value of communal prayer.

Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.

— Matt 18:19-20 (BT)

There’s something special about praying with other believers. Jesus promises His special presence where people gather in His name.

And it doesn’t have to be formal prayer in a church. You can pray with your closest ones - with parents, with your wife or husband, with children, with friends. Even reading and studying Scripture together, discussing God, talking about His glory and works - this is also a form of spiritual community where God is present.

Imagine an evening when you sit down with your family and read a passage from the Bible together. You talk about what you’ve read. You share what God is doing in your lives. You pray for each other. It doesn’t have to be complicated - just sincerity and open hearts.

You don’t have to pray alone. Find other believers - in a local church, in a small group, among friends, in your own family. Pray together. Support one another. There is power in it.

How Do Other Religions Pray?

It’s worth pausing for a moment to see what prayer looks like in other religious traditions - and how different it is from what Jesus taught.

Islam - Muslims pray five times a day at strictly defined times. Prayer (salat) requires ritual cleansing, specific body positions (standing, bowing, prostrating) and recitation of verses from the Quran in Arabic - even if someone doesn’t know the language. The form is strictly established.

Judaism - Orthodox Jews recite liturgical prayers three times a day, often with tefillin (phylacteries) bound to the arm and forehead. Many prayers are fixed formulas recited in Hebrew.

Hinduism - Prayer often takes the form of repeating mantras - sacred syllables or phrases, sometimes hundreds of times. Prayer beads (mala) are also used to count repetitions. Meditation and rituals before deity statues are key.

Buddhism - Spiritual practice focuses on meditation and repeating mantras. In some traditions, prayer wheels are used - spinning a cylinder with written mantras is supposed to “send” prayers.

Traditional Catholicism - One part of the rosary requires repeating 53 “Hail Marys” and 6 “Our Fathers” in a specific sequence, and the full rosary (4 parts) totals 212 “Hail Marys” and 24 “Our Fathers”. Prayers are also directed to saints as intermediaries. Form and number of repetitions matter.

What do all these approaches have in common? Ritual, repetition, form, technique. The belief that the right number of words, the correct body position, the proper language, or intermediaries are needed to reach God.

Now listen to what Jesus said:

And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

— Matt 6:7-8 (BT)

Jesus directly criticizes “heaping up empty phrases” - mechanical repetition of words in the belief that their quantity matters. God is not a machine that responds to the right number of repetitions.

And what about intermediaries? Do we need saints, priests, or angels to reach God?

For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

— 1 Tim 2:5 (BT)

One mediator - Jesus. Not Mary, not saints, not priests. Through Christ we have direct access to the Father.

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

— John 14:6 (BT)

For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father.

— Eph 2:18 (BT)

Do you see the difference? Christian prayer according to Jesus is not a ritual, not a technique, not empty repetition. It’s a relationship. A conversation between a child and Father. Direct, sincere, in any language, in any position, at any time.

You don’t need a special language - God understands every one. You don’t need a specific position - you can stand, sit, kneel, lie down. You don’t need intermediaries - Jesus has already opened the way for you. You don’t have to repeat words hundreds of times - the Father hears you the first time.

This is the revolutionary simplicity of the Gospel. God is not distant and inaccessible. He is a Father waiting for a conversation with His child.

How to Pray to God - Practical Tips

Finally, some practical advice that has helped me on my journey with prayer:

1. Start with what you have. Don’t wait until you’re “ready” for prayer. Come as you are. Even if it’s just: “God, I don’t know what to say, but here I am.”

2. Be honest. God knows your heart better than you do. There’s no point pretending. You can be angry, sad, lost - tell Him directly.

3. Listen, don’t just talk. Prayer is a dialogue, not a monologue. After speaking your words - stay in silence. Give God space to speak to your heart.

4. Use the Bible in prayer. The Psalms are ready-made prayers. You can read them as your own words to God.

5. Be persistent. Jesus told a parable about a widow who persistently demanded justice from a judge (Luke 18:1-8). The message? Don’t give up. Keep praying.

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

— John 15:7 (BT)

The key is abiding in Jesus - a living, daily relationship with Him. When you live this way, prayer becomes as natural as breathing.